Hope
by lolarayyy
Summary: Ashley Seaver was one of the reluctant champions of the games. At one of the celebratory winner parties, she finds out she's not the only one. JJ-centric.


Ashley Seaver hated parties like these. The large, grandiose galas that Panem hosted every year in the Capitol when they crowned the newest winner of the Hunger Games that drew in prying, curious eyes from everywhere. The parties were strictly invitation only, and getting on the guest list was no easy feat. There was only one way to score an invite, and you couldn't fake one if you tried.

Because the fact remained that everyone knew the faces of the Hunger Game winners. If you won, you got in. No exceptions.

Simple as that.

Letting out a sigh, Ashley took a sip from her sparkling cider, taking in the people around her from her spot at the bar, distinct groups visible despite the fact that the party was supposed to initiate a sense of pride, to make them feel like a "family" of sorts.

She found comfort in some of her fellow victors, yes, but they were from her own district. And many of them were too old to make it all the way to the Capitol, too old to care, and too old for Panem to want their frail bodies in the spotlight again. Ashley on the other hand, was still young. She had won the 64th Hunger Games, and seeing as they were currently celebrating the winner of the 66th, she had no excuse for her not be in attendance.

"Excuse me…"

Shocked out of her stupor, Ashley flinched, her body automatically shifting off of the bar stool she was sitting on as she whirled around to face the sound of the voice. Seeing her panic, the other girl raised her hands slightly, palms facing outward, a sign of peace.

"Hey, sorry… didn't mean to scare you there, I j-just wanted to…sorry."

Taking in a breath, Ashley shook her head, her hands clenching themselves into fists as she tried to get her breathing back to normal. Looking at the colorfully dressed girl, Ashley forced out a small smile, her shoulders loosening ever so slightly.

"No, no, it's fine…it's fine, I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention." Taking a closer look at the girl in front of her, Ashley regarded herknowingly, recognizing her as the tribute who had won the games the year before her. "Penelope Garcia, right?"

The redhead nodded, shooting Ashley a smile. Motioning towards the crowd, Penelope fiddled with her necklace nervously, a trace of worry present in her eyes.

"Yeah, that's me…listen, I just wanted to ask you if you'd seen Jayj – I mean Jennifer – around. JJ?"

Penelope didn't need to say the name twice for Ashley to remember who she was. The winner of the 62nd Hunger Games, Jennifer Jareau – more commonly known as JJ – was one of Panem's brightest stars. Ashley remembers first seeing her on the Capitol feed, and her father spoke out loud what everyone in Panem was thinking.

"District 10? Huh…she looks like a Capitol girl. She's going to be a popular one, that's for sure."

And popular she was. Long blonde hair with startling clear blue eyes, JJ captured the attention of Panem early on, her stunning looks gaining her attention, but her decent training score keeping it. With the games that year being held in a tropical rain forest surrounded by a seemingly bottomless river, JJ had surprised everyone when she had darted to the Cornucopia and grabbed two seemingly useless items: a set of brass knuckles and backpack that held nothing more but some rope and a whittling knife.

JJ then fell under the radar after the initial bloodbath, as the number of survivors started to dwindle down as the Careers began eliminating their competition. Once it was mostly the Careers left, that was when JJ finally took action.

Ashley remembers it clearly, video of that year's games still fresh in her mind. After all, it wasn't often that a group of Careers could be thoroughly shaken, that they could be disturbed to the point of showing actual fear on their faces.

But then again, it wasn't every day that the Careers would stumble upon one of their own tied up against a tree, her face a bloody mess with her head practically caved in.

There weren't that many of them left at that point either. All of the Careers from District 1 (excluding the now dead girl), District 2, and District 4, the boy from District 11, and JJ; they were the only ones left.

Seeing as the Careers were all together, they automatically assumed it to be the boy from District 11. They had remembered seeing both him and JJ during the training sessions. Sweet, smiling, nervous JJ who looked like she could barely harm a fly, versus the tall, muscled boy who seemed to be rather skilled in using a wickedly curved sickle; it seemed like the obvious choice. JJ couldn't have taken down a trained Career. It was improbable, impossible.

Then they discovered the body of the boy from District 11.

His death was cleaner…kinder in a way. Strung up to a tree by his ankle, the video that flickered on the screens across Panem showed a small, brass lined hand dealing a quick blow to the temple and chest before the boy stopped breathing, the life fading from his eyes as his body swayed gently in the wind.

By that point the Careers had been thoroughly disturbed, and for good reason. While the girl from District 1 had been well trained in combat, especially with a short sword, it was still a girl fighting against another girl. It could have been possible for her to get knocked out long enough to be tied up and beaten to death by JJ.

But the boy from District 11? He had to have been six feet tall at the very least, with an impressive set of muscles that had accumulated through field work. The thought of JJ, a girl who barely reached five foot five and as skinny as she could be, killing him with only a few blows?

It was unsettling, to say the least.

The Careers had done most of the work already by eliminating all of the competition from the other Districts. After that, all JJ had to do was take care of the rest.

Watching JJ kill of the rest of the Careers had been a captivating mix of beauty and savagery in it's finest. The cameras that had managed to capture her showed her weaving in and out of the jungle foliage, her hair trailing behind her as she moved ever so quietly, like a hunter stalking its prey. It was stunning, as if they were watching an intricate dance take place.

But when JJ would catch sight of a target, her movements would shift. JJ treated the Careers as if they were no smarter than the livestock she worked with: the sound of a cracking branch here, the echo of pounding footsteps there, and before the audience knew it JJ had managed to scatter the group, separating them into singular entities she could track down and take care of.

The boys from District 2 and 4 fell to the same kind of trap that the boy from 11 did, a cleverly hidden rope snare tightening around their ankles and hoisting them high into the air, their weapons falling to the forest ground below them as JJ seemingly appeared in an instant, a flurry of brass enforced hits forcing the life away from their mangled bodies.

The girl from District 4 met a somewhat kinder fate. The girl had been swimming in the river, hunting for food when JJ struck her head from behind. Knocking her out instantly, the girl sunk to the depths of the river, drowning quietly.

The one death that was never explicitly shown was the death of the boy from District 1; the death blow itself was never televised, oddly enough. For what reason, no one knew, but what they did ultimately end up showing was the girl from District 2 coming across the boy's body. And in a way, Ashley's glad they didn't show his death.

While the girl from District 1 had been beaten badly, it was largely her face that suffered the most damage, the formerly stunning girl a bloody, mangled mess.

The boy from District 1 had been beaten everywhere, his body utterly broken. His shirt had been torn at parts from the severe impact of JJ's blows, blood covering his face, soaking his clothes to the point where they were a dark, matted mess. The girl from District 1 had been beaten to the point she died. The boy from District 1 however appeared to have been beaten to death only for JJ to continue beating his dead body, as if he was a punching bag.

It was brutal and heartbreaking at the same time. While many of the citizens of Panem may not have known, most, if not all the winning tributes knew what had happened, why JJ had done what she did.

They all knew that at that point, JJ had finally snapped. That was the moment where it had all caught up with JJ, where she was so painfully close to ending it all, where she was so close to being done with the games, but knowing she still had one more life to collect.

The death of the District 1 girl had been almost anti-climactic in a way. JJ had tracked the girl down through her footprints and the foliage she had torn through, and before the audience knew what was happening, a lasso made out of the remaining rope she had was swinging over JJ's head as she chased after her final opponent. Throwing it far over her shoulder, the noose looped around the girl's neck and with one quick, powerful tug, it was all over.

After that JJ had been thrust into the spotlight, the blonde beauty an apparent fan favorite as the Capitol cheered for her merrily at her many celebrations, many a suitor coming up to her at various events to congratulate her and ask for a dance.

She was the perfect victor.

But with Penelope's question came the stark realization that Ashley had barely seen the blonde the whole night. It was odd, seeing as one would think that the still popular winner would be seen flitting around the other guests, congratulating the newest victor.

Shaking her head in a negative, Ashley gave an apologetic frown to Penelope as she shrugged her shoulders.

"I haven't seen her at all, not since the beginning of the gala when we were congratulating the newest winner…Gem, Gemma, Gemi, whatever her name was." Seeing Penelope's worried look, Ashley was quick to reassure her.

"If I see her at all I'll tell her you were looking for her, okay?"

Shooting a small, but thankful smile, Penelope nodded, turning around to continue her search. Pausing, she turned around slightly, giving Ashley a quick once over.

"If you do find her…if she seems off-" Penelope stopped then, looking down as she picked at her nails nervously. "If she seems…panicked, I guess…can you just, can you…try and keep her safe?"

Startled at the somewhat odd request, Ashley was about to question Penelope when she saw something in her eyes that she hadn't seen in a long time.

Fear.

It was a specific kind of fear. It wasn't fear for her life or fear of an injury. It was the fear that only a few of the winners knew, a fear that the reluctant winners all had. It was the fear of losing the one thing that kept them tethered down, the one thing that kept them sane after everything they saw. Ashley had worn the same look before she was dragged out of her depression by her fellow winners.

It was the look that was present on Penelope's face now. And with that, Ashley gave Penelope a reassuring smile, and bid the girl farewell.

Ashley ended up sitting at the bar for a while, fighting against the urge to indulge in a heavily spiked alcoholic drink. Finally settling on a tall glass of cold water, she took to the floor again, her eyes alert for a hint of blonde. Before Ashley knew it though, she was distracted and swept into a conversation with a few of the other past winners, namely an older looking man from District 4 named David Rossi and winner from District 1, a 20-something year old by the name of Emily Prentiss.

Excusing herself after ten minutes from the conversation that she hadn't really been following, Ashley placed her glass on the tray of a passing waiter as she walked towards the balcony, hoping for some fresh air and a bit of alone time. Stepping out the door, she shivered as the cold wind brushed across her skin, and for just a moment regretted choosing the dress she wore.

To anyone who had asked, Ashley told them that it was just some dress that a stylist chose it for her. In reality, Ashley herself had picked it. A knee length gown made of loosely flowing navy blue cotton. Knee length made it easier to move in, the cotton breathed well, and the navy color blended well in the dark.

She highly doubted that she would have to escape for her life anywhere in the dress, yet she still picked it anyways.

Ashley hated that she never really could get the survivor mentality out of her mind.

Taking a deep breath as she walked further out onto the balcony, the door closing with an inaudible click behind her, Ashley froze then, her eyes widening at the unexpected sight in front of her.

There was a woman sitting on the edge of the balcony banister, her sparkling gold shoes placed neatly on the stone tile behind her, thin legs dangling freely over the edge as she gripped the railing. Long blonde hair trailed behind her, seemingly dancing in the wind as she sat there in her dress, the dark green ensemble providing little to no protection against the biting cold around them.

Ashley was about to walk back into the ballroom, a softly muttered sorry barely passing her lips when she noticed a small, black outline imprinted on the girl's right shoulder.

A butterfly.

JJ's token had been a butterfly pendant given to her by her older sister, one who had killed herself in the arena when she had been reaped years prior. The girl had ultimately got a tattoo there right before her games, saying how it was a reminder to stay strong, to not give up.

Walking slowly towards the balcony, wary of surprising the former winner, Ashley stopped when JJ's voice suddenly broke through the silence.

"Do you have nightmares?"

Startled, Ashley seemed to freeze for a moment, her eyes widening as her brain struggled to catch up with what JJ just said.

"N-nightmares?"

Hearing Ashley stutter, JJ turned her head around, and gave Ashley a beaming smile. It was the smile that JJ seemed to wear constantly, for it was the same bright, dazzling smile that was aired whenever JJ was sighted in the Capitol.

Ashley could see through it though. She could see that under the bright lipstick, the gleaming white teeth and the seemingly flawless grin…there was a trace of longing present, a hollowness that showed how damaged JJ truly was under it all.

"Nightmares," JJ affirmed, turning back to the view of the night sky when Ashley slowly made her way up to the edge of the balcony, pushing herself up to sit on the edge alongside JJ. "The near death experiences, the injuries, the hunger pains, the hallucinations and delusions that dehydration brought…those are all the things that my counselors and psychiatrists think I dream about."

Shaking her head, a disbelieving laugh escaping her lips, JJ looked down over the balcony, the height dizzying.

"I dream about them – about their faces, their voices. The Careers may have killed most of the tributes, but I watched-" JJ paused then, her voice cracking as she fought to regain her shaky control over her emotions. "I watched them as they went and killed everyone. I followed them, waiting for them to kill all the ones I knew I couldn't, not because I wasn't able to, but because I didn't want to…they were the innocent ones, they were the ones who didn't want this, you know?"

Seeing Ashley's understanding nod, because she too had avoided certain tributes, JJ carried on, her voice shaky as she reminisced.

"And yet, when I close my eyes at night, I see their faces. I see them and hear them and they tell me things, things I end up thinking about for hours, until hours become days and soon it's all I think about. We always saw the Careers as monsters, as sick for actually enjoying the games…we thought it so often that we forget that they were just like us. That in the end, they were just…kids. Kids playing a stupid, meaningless game."

Her voice growing louder now, more panicked, JJ continued on, her eyes boring into the city streets below.

"And then I see the Career's parents, and I see them sobbing, I see them devastated because their kid, their kid who trained for so long and so hard to win and come back and honor them…" JJ paused then, her voice trailing off at the end, closing her eyes as a tear rolled down her face. "Their kid is dead. They died because of me, because of injuries dealt by my hands, and there's nothing they can do to bring their baby girl or their baby boy back."

Silent, Ashley was at a loss of what to do. Hesitantly, she moved her hand towards JJ's own, placing it over her trembling fingers lightly, as if she was offering comfort, a chance to continue on without judgment.

"But they can bring me back," JJ whispered, her voice taking on a different tone. Glancing over, Ashley noted that JJ's eyes had grown unfocused as her head bobbed slightly, her knuckles white from the pressure they were exerting on the banister that separated them from the ground that was over forty stories below them. "I dream that the parents call me back, demand that I be put back in the ring again and before I know it I'm in the arena because the Capitol _loves_ me," JJ mumbled, spitting out the word "love" as if it were a swear. "They love me because I'm pretty and because I'm a killer, and I'm there and I'm fighting and all I can see is red, all I can feel is this wet slickness on my hands, all I can hear are screams begging for their lives and all I can taste is copper and I just want it all to end but it never does. It goes on and on and on and face after face joins the ones I already know too well and it just never stops until I wake up.

"Even then though, I see them. A kid walking down the street near me looks so much like the one from my dream and before I know it they're everywhere and nowhere all at once and it takes every fiber of my being and injection after injection of Capitol drugs for me to not just…end it."

"Why don't you?" Ashley asked suddenly, her voice hoarse, eyes widening at her utterance of the unexpected question. "I mean…if the only thing that's keeping you here right now are all the anti-depressants or anti-psychotics or whatever the hell they're giving you, why don't you just…let go?" Seemingly unperturbed, JJ tilted her head in thought, a longing smile ghosting past her lips.

"I want to, I do…but I've been told that dying is akin to falling asleep. It's just one long, dream-ridden sleep until you wake up into a new world…a new beginning." Taking in a shuddering breath, JJ let out a quiet, frightened sob as she bit her lip, turning her head away from Ashley to hide her tears.

"But what if I go to sleep…and instead of a dream, I have a nightmare? One that I can't wake up from? What would I do then?"

Startled by the feel of fingers intertwining in her own, JJ looked up in surprise, seeing Ashley's determined face staring back at her.

"You try to move on. You never really will…at least, I don't think you can…but you can try. And you're not alone you know; there's people out there who care about you. That one winner, Penelope?" Seeing JJ's fond grin, Ashley continued on, giving JJ's hand a quick squeeze. "She cares about you, that's for sure. Nearly scared me to death back in there when she asked me if I saw you…she's worrying herself to death about you. I don't know how it's like back in your district, but you should know, there are people who care about you…your family, Penelope…me-"

"You don't even know me Seaver," JJ retorted quickly, shooting a curious glance at the younger winner. "Why would you care?"

Giving JJ a smile, and hopping down from the railing, Ashley held out her hand towards JJ, somewhat surprised that the girl knew her name. Holding out a hand to the girl still perched on the balcony's edge, Ashley tilted her head, shooting JJ a playful smile. "Why wouldn't I? I can't say I understand you completely, but I know better than other people what you're going through. We're all reluctant winters you know…we're the odd ones out, the damaged goods. So I would say we have to stick together, wouldn't you agree?"

Giving Ashley a contemplative look, JJ finally let her lips curve up into a smile. Not her plastered smile she wore for the cameras, but a real, genuine smile, her eyes twinkling with something that hadn't been there in a long time.

Hope.

Grabbing Ashley's hand, JJ jumped down from the railing with a leap, shivering as her bare feet felt the cold stone tiles.

"Yeah, I suppose I would."


End file.
